the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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