i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're earring is so big in my mouth
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
