I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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