Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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