Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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