You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
