im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just high enough for therapy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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