Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
