How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
