yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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