Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
