Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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