I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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