We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
