i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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