I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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