Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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