Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
