i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
