god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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