remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
