Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
