I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
