So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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