I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
