dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
