as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
