maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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