i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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