I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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