we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
pray to the hookup gods
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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