the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
tell me about the eggs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
