Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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