Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
