I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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