It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
