my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A+ Viking dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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