Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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