wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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