Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
