There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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