Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
