i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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