on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
