nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
