Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
