She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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