it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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