youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
