I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
