Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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