these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
