She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
